Hallelujah comfort

Back in the blogging world!  I started a Facebook post today, but it turned way long so I decided...brace yourselves...to BLOG about it!  My last post was really Nov 2012 and I can't commit to any sort of regular schedule and don't want to feel guilty when I don't make the deadlines.  :)  Here goes!  We've had so many experiences with the kids that have really made me think and tonight was no different...

Brooke didn't get a nap today because she had her first play date with a friend from school (which went GREAT!  The friend's mom had no idea Brooke was born so early - AMAZING!), then we went garage-saling (pretty much turned into a walk around a subdivision, but it was beautiful!) and played outside for a long time...needless to say, we were in for a rough night.  We were expecting some drama but she was in rare form.  She missed out on quiet time before bed as a consequence and I could hear her screaming all the way upstairs.  I went down to yell since it was bed time but when I opened her door she was sobbing, trying to calm down but still had a ways to go.  I sat on the edge of her bed and started rubbing her back to help, and between sobs, she asked me to sing "Hallelujah."  She's been hooked on that song since she was a baby (see an old blog post) and it's always made me smile, but tonight absolutely stopped me in my tracks.  I was mad, but that disappeared as we sang together of God's love...."amazing, steady and unchanging..a mountain firm beneath my feet."

Her little life is such a testimony!  4 years ago we had no idea what was in store for her and every milestone was a huge success.  We never knew if a developmental milestone could be her limit but she continues making such progress and praising God every minute!  A few minutes in, we started rockin it out in worship  She doesn't know the depth of that song, but it makes my heart swell knowing how much comfort she already experiences in Him.  Thanks for the reminder Brooke - "Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah your love makes me sing!"

Wise beyond her years

Friday night while putting Brennan and Brooke to bed Hailey was having a meltdown (thankfully they get fewer and fewer) and we told her she had to go to bed now too because she couldn't control herself. I had her in time out while I put B&B to bed then was able to focus on her. She went kicking and screaming and kept screaming because she was mad but I just went downstairs and wasn't going to fight with her about it. After about 10 minutes she came to the top of the stairs and apologized and wanted to talk. So proud of her for that! We've really been working with her to express her thoughts and feelings and our conversation upstairs broke my heart.
She had calmed herself down and said she didn't mean to be mean but sometimes when she starts crying because of being mad it turns to crying because she's sad and can't stop thinking of things that make her cry. (Ever done that? Start crying then your mind wanders to more sad things -yep I could relate.) I just asked what she was feeling and thinking about and she asked more questions about death...every couple of months it seems she gains a deeper understanding that needs to be processed and dots that need to be connected. I hate that she's experienced so much already but cherish her perspective and understanding. She was said because she thought Uncle Joe was hurting before he died and wondered if he died in the hospital too (like Katelyn). I said I didn't think so, they didn't have a lot of hospitals around in Afghanistan but that God took care of him every second until he died. She also said she was worried about Landon when he keeps going to the hospital and specifically brought up the time in April 2011 when he stopped breathing and had a seizure in the car and we had to meet and ambulance at a gas station....she was sitting right next to him in the van. I was trying to stay calm for her but was scared myself and apparently she was too. She's been around for 2 other ambulance calls and at the time seemed to be ok but is now connection the dots. I told her that she being sad was because she loved Landon and she repeated that she loved him so much (and she started crying harder). I assured her that Landon's doing great right now and we would tell her if he was ever dying - awful thing to have say about your son to his sister...We decided to pray that God would take the scared, mad and sad thoughts away and she asked me to for her because it would make her keep crying. (Gave a new meaning to praying on someone's behalf. There's been times I needed someone to pray for me because I couldn't). I gave her a hug and kiss and tucked her in bed and she went right to sleep.

Saturday when we prayed for lunch, she was thankful for her family, her dad that made a balance beam and uneven bars for her American Girl doll and for her mom understanding her last night. She melted my heart right then!

Hailey always has been wiser beyond her years, especially through her grief. I so wish I could take away her grief, her fear about Landon and the experiences that make her connect to death. I am so so thankful for God's peace and her faith and trust. She's a pretty awesome girl and her life will be used for great things!

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween from some super awesome kids!!  Hailey is "Batman girl", Brennan is Batman, Brooke is Robin & Landon is a muscly Captain America!  This year's costumes were pretty easy to figure out - we've been in such awe of how awesome our kids are, they're total superhero's! Overcoming sickness, making huge developmental strides and being Hailey being flexible to roll with the what's next! 

Nich had to work tonight and I was not feeling brave enough to take the crew out by myself - so thankful one of our amazing babysitters stayed late tonight and went with us!  We went to the YMCA's trunk or treat (Hailey was super proud to show off where she goes after school and gymnastics!) then tried visiting Daddy at work but he couldn't get out of class.  Hailey was such a great helper and Brooke loved holding hands trick-or-treating with Hailey just ahead so it was a little more manageable.  Brennan was getting pretty tired but hung on, helping to push Landon in his chair and dancing to the music!  A little chaotic, a lot of fun and the kids had a great time!

Starting school!

Wow - has it really been since June that I posted?!  I started my MSW in June and between Nich & I working, my school and the kids school we've been running in fumes.  Sometimes I've had the time but not the energy, others I've had the energy (and started posts) but not the time - well, oddly enough at 6am on Monday morning I have both!  I woke up WIDE awake at 5am and tried willing myself back to sleep for the 30 minutes left before my alarm but didn't work. I could hear Landon up already making noises downstairs so got up and he and I had a nice leisurely morning before getting him on the bus.

Here's a photo collage of everyone's first day of school!  (You can click to make it bigger.)  Hailey's in 1st grade this year and loves it!  She's struggling a bit staying in her seat - she's too much of a social butterfly!  Brennan and Brooke are in the same class at the ISD Early Childhood Program (mild classroom) in our town where they work on Preschool stuff and still see OT, PT and Speech Therapy.  Landon is in the Severely Multiply Impaired (SXI) Class at the main ISD building and he's developing so well!  They mostly work on therapy and independent type stuff, he's not ready yet for academic school skills.     

Hailey is now counting over 100, knows her odd & even numbers and is working on adding.  She can also read really well and is having weekly spelling tests - 1st grade is much different than Kindergarten but she loves learning!  Brennan is talking so much!  He's able to identify pictures and objects by name, knows his colors, playing appropriately and is starting to form sentences to say what he wants!  Brooklyn is jabbering like crazy!  She's speaking in paragraphs! :)  Her diva-ness is starting to wear off a bit as she's able to communicate what she wants and she's actually a huge helper!  She loves playing kitchen, coloring, playing baby (dolls and with Landon!) and reading.  Landon is making huge progress too!  He gets on the bus at 6am and is happy to go to school!  They're working with him on his hearing aids, standing, sitting independently and playing and he's doing so well!  I'm really impressed with the teachers and staff there - they are so compassionate and really love their kids!  A few weeks ago we got a note home from his teacher saying Landon is such a joy to have in class! 

Now on to get another kid up and ready for school! I'll try to post soon (anyone reading this - hold me to it!!) more in depth their personalities and developments. I'm so proud of them!  It's absolutely incredible how far they've come in so many ways!  We praise God for His healing and strength in them!

Boys speech progress!!

Here's a couple videos that made me cry!  The boys are doing so well!  Last week we got the approval from Speech Therapy to start feeding him at home!  In the past when we've tried he's had a lot of oral aversion and wouldn't let us touch his mouth.  We've done a lot of work with therapy and the vibrating toothbrush at home and now he always has his hands in his mouth, making noises and swallowing without gagging!  He welcomes the food!

Brennan has really been working on talking and the last few weeks he's really taking off!  He can count up to 5, repeat his colors and now pretty much repeat anything you say!  Tonight Brooke was listening to Hallelujah and I asked Brennan if he could sing too...here's Brennan "singing"!  Sorry, my voice is really loud but listen towards the end, he claps for himself and says "I singing!"  He didn't repeat but came up with a sentence on his own!  Oh man, I'm so proud of him!!!

Thank you so much for all your continued prayers and support for the kids, they really are miracles!  Definitely not the typical 23 weekers!   

March for Babies 2012!

Today was March for Babies.  It was actually quite an emotional day, thinking how things could've been - should've been with the statistics...we are so blessed with these babies and the path God has brought us!  We want to bring awareness to premature birth.  The obvious effects on the babies, and the challenges they will have as they grow that they shouldn't have to carry.  The burden of guilt mom's carry, that no matter how much people say that they didn't do anything wrong.  Only God's peace can ease that weight.  The effect the frailty has on families, any minute the premature baby can have a complication.  The effect this stress has on siblings, they can't always play with their brother/sister how their friends do.  The research this organization does hopes that one day all babies will be born healthy.

Can you imagine how awesome it would be to have 4 healthy toddlers running around, taking in their environment with all their senses!?  Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade our kids for anything - I just wish they didn't have to deal with so much!  I wouldn't wish these challenges on any family and want to do whatever I can do make sure other families have healthy, long pregnancies with healthy, strong babies!

Today we celebrated the research that has been done and Brennan, Landon and Brooklyn's lives, yet achingly remembered Katelyn and the work that still needs to be done... 
 

 

We were so honored to be recognized with a plaque for being the 2011 Ambassador Family.  It's incredible how far the babies (and all of us!) have come since last year!

 

 Landon did so great! 

 

 Proud big sister! :)

They were running all over!  So amazing to see!  

Brooke and Brennan had so much fun together!

Thank you March of Dimes!!!!  We are so incredibly thankful for the research and awareness March of Dimes has done that has helped our family!

Ballet on a Rainy Day!

How do you keep 2 busy girls entertained on a cold rainy Saturday?  Break out Bella Ballerina and tutu's!  We found the whole Bella Ballerina kit at Goodwill complete with the teaching mat, bar and DVD!  We've watch this about 4 times today and the kids are having so much fun!  Brennan's even getting in on the action!

 

 Hailey was really into it, but Brooke looks like she's playing twister!

 

 She's getting so big! She's a little taller than Brennan :)

I'm so glad they're having fun together!  

Ok, so that's 1/2 the day....thankfully they're napping!  Now to figure out what to do the next 1/2 of the day!