Saturday, August 29, 2015

Lesson on reliance and dependence thanks to a spica cast

We knew in advance Landon was going to have major surgery. The news was sprung on us pretty quickly but we had time to adjust, research and ask questions about recovery but no amount of planning can totally prepare you. Sure, the organizer in me wanted to know the surgical plans, how to diaper him after, what equipment I needed, his care schedule for recovery, along with about 200 other things...just ask Nich! :) But, planning only took me so far. There was a world of emotions, unexpected parts of this hospital stay, small complications, a bunch of things out of my control - just waiting outside my plans...waiting for my emotional breaking point. I've realized today, and appreciate the perspective of a journey of preparation versus shorter term planning. 

When the breaking point happened (and I can't kid myself, it always does - sometimes large, sometimes smaller, sometimes internally, sometimes externally), what do I do? Who do I turn to? Planning takes you so far, that's something I can do; but God prepares us...way more than we know. No matter the specifics, we can get through it because His preparations are the real deal, things that stick with you, mold you. That takes faith, that's dependence. All along, God's been preparing me, us really. Other hospital stays, surgeries, deep points, I've learned the long way, God's really the one who we need, who is in control, who's enough. 

So, I've had a couple breaking points already thanks to this darn spica cast and I'm not running from them or hiding them. They're reminders that I'm human and so in need of Him! When I'm exhausted, frustrated, scared, I have to consciously remember God's taking care of Landon and orchestrating this life. We're His hands and feet, but it all comes from Him.  I need to remember that He gives me peace when I'm scared, a clearer mind when I'm frustrated, strength when I can't get up to calm him again and He gives Landon comfort when I can't and peace when he doesn't understand what's happening. Our pastor talked about eternal moments - you can recognize them, when we invest in things eternal, see as God sees, act as God shows us to; sometimes we're the way He brings these things to each other. I see it when I do know how to comfort Landon, when he smiles after a tense time or laughs and shows me pure joy, through so many of your prayers, help with the kids, meals, visits! He's shown me so many times before - the beauty and peace that passes all understanding when we rely on Him.

In one way or another, I truly believe (and can see!) how God continues changing and preparing me for what's up ahead. Today, how oddly thankful I am for the difficult hospitalizations in the past that built up my endurance, advocacy and bond with Landon to be prepared for this spica cast. A quote by CS Lewis, that I'm sure I've shared before, just resonates with me - "God, who foresaw your tribulations has specially formed you to go through them; not without pain, but without stain." We're only at the very beginning of this recovery, and I know it's not going to always be pretty, but it's going to mold us. I pray it molds us well! 


Mindy Bradish-Orta said...

Thank you for sharing this. It's a great reminder and your personal story helps put the lessons I take away from Pastor Phil into reality. God bless!