Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Remembering Kateyln through Hailey's eyes::

Today Hailey and I were in the alligator (elevator in Hailey language) and a family asked about our babies. I replied the details and that I was going to miss Katelyn. On the way to the NICU Hailey asked me if I was going to miss Katelyn? Stumbling for an answer, I replied that Katelyn was with Jesus in heaven and was going to watch over her and her siblings. Hailey replied I want to take all my babies home. Daddy again explained that Katelyn won't be able to come home. For a little while Hailey was ok with that answer.

Later on Hailey, Jen and I were sitting in the room just chatting and Hailey brought up bringing all her babies home with her. This broke Jen's heart as she tried to explain that Katelyn was with Jesus. Hailey then asked if Jesus' mommy was taking care of Katelyn. Jen simply said yes as Hailey softly cried on Jen's lap. After a few seconds Hailey turned to me and Jen and simply said, " Well Jesus' daddy can bring her back to the hospital from Heaven. Not knowing what to say Jen and I explained that Jesus' mommy and daddy will be taking care of Katelyn but she will always love you and be in your heart. Hailey then turned again and said "I want her out of my heart" We asked where Hailey wanted her to be and she said. the hospital. At this point I could feel the steady flow of tears down my face. After a few minutes Hailey quietly accepted that Katelyn was in heaven with Jesus and in her heart.

A few hours went by and Hailey and I went to see the babies so mom could rest. While visiting her brothers Hailey brought up Katelyn again and why she cant come back to the hospital. Again I was stumbling for the third time to help Hailey, Landon's nurse turned to Hailey and simply asked if she wanted to color a picture for Katelyn. Hailey nodded. What color do you want to color it? Hailey said yellow. Any other color...well pink too. The nurse then asked what color balloon. Hailey being the girlie girlie she is said pink. The nurse asked about letting going in a park so that it can fly in the wind right to where Katelyn was. Hailey eyes lit up. This calmed her heart for a second. On the way out daddy asked Hailey about her babies. Hailey simply replied daddy " I want all my babies, all of them" Daddy hugged his precious Hailey bug and explained that they needed to stay at the hospital for longer to get big and strong. On that note Daddy and Hailey said goodnight to the babies and left to meet the "police man" (security guard) for a ride back to see mommy.

To my beloved Katelyn you are my mine and I will always love you. Thank you for the few moments are lives collided. I will alway cherish the moment I held you and got to sing you to you are my sunshine. Love your Daddy, Nich


The Denby's said...

We haven't met yet but such a wonderful Daddy to be able to handle all this so well with love and tender care...AND to be willing/able to share it with all of us who are and will continue to pray for your entire family.
You and your family have to be exactly what God wanted when he created this world.
Thanks, again, for a beautiful journal. God Bless and we know He's continuing to be with you all.
Bill and Rusty

Jennie said...

I know this is my own blog, but Nich wrote this while I was asleep - it brought tears to my eyes. Hailey was so precious and you could see the genuine saddness and confusion in her. Nich, you have done such a wonderful job with her...we weren't ready for her to ask these questions and you did great and found the right answers! I love you and am so proud of you! :)

Sarah Mouch said...

What a beautiful note! You have me in tears just imagining this scenario. THIS is exactly why God has given YOU GUYS these precious little miricals. He knows he can trust such precious lives in your hands. I have to admit I have become quite "stalkerish" in following your posts. Your situation brings back so many memmories of my family's own time in the NICU.
Hug your little girl, Haily, as much as you can, let her know how special and important she is to you guys. This will effect her in ways you can't possibly understand. The 6 months we spent at the hospital with my son, was so hard on our daughter who was 3 at the time as well. It's an awful prediciment to be put in, you feel that you have to choose which child to spend time with. Every little hug and playful moment you can give to her will help. Let her be as involved as she can. We had my little girl record a tape of her singing lullibyes to her baby brother and we left the tape player right by his isolette. The nurses would play it for him when we weren't there, and Jaden just loves that her baby brother could hear her voice even when she wasn't able to be there. Hang in there. Good Luck, and may God continue to bless your beautiful family.
Sarah Mouch

jag said...

Truly touching. Tears overflow for you. I can't imgaine the pain you must feel. Praying...

BrandyB said...

Reading your blog at work and trying so hard not to cry. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers. I can't imagine how hard answering some of Hailey's questions must be but you're doing a good job!


Wendi @ Every Day Miracles said...

This is both heart wrenching and absolutely beautiful. I'm so sorry thst you guys have to go through this, but know that you are doing a fabulous job hanging in there and loving your whole family.

Lauren said...

I just found your blog through the Nugget News. We are praying for you and your little miracles.

sarah.mouch said...

Congrats on the milestone! It's amazing to think that a matter of three weeks has increased their survival rate by so much! You guys have a beautiful family! Haily's smile is just infectious in the pictures you have posted. She absolutely beautiful. Glad to hear the babies are all pretty stable. It's so funny how nicu moms (me included) get so excited about things like lots of pee. I remember praying to God and begging him to please just let Evan poop! When he finally did it was better than hitting the lottery! Two years from now when you have three little monsters tearing up your house, you will just have to remind yourself that you prayed for this everyday! I can't wait for the day you guys get to cuddle your babies in your arms and kiss and suggle with them.
Best of luck, and thank you so much for sharing your beautiful story with everyone.