Thursday, June 3, 2010

Parents of...

This is a really hard post to write, but an article and conversation today sparked it and I've really wanted to share for awhile. This is NOT at all to make anyone feel bad, but just get our feelings out there and share with and learn from others that have gone through this. Since last June we were parents of quadruplets. Since late September (27th to be exact) we are now parents of triplets. I don't want to speak much more for Nich, but it's been really tough when people see the babies and say "Ooo you had triplets?!" Sometimes we say yes, sometimes we say no. We've really struggled with what to say. It's so hard to say we have triplets. I still don't think I've said it out loud. We want to remember Katelyn and we did/do have quadruplets, but a lot of times we just don't want to explain it to strangers. No matter what we answer, it always leaves a pit in my stomach. I miss Katelyn so much! I miss learning about her, watching her develop, seeing her and Brooklyn interact. When we left the NICU, we started a life as parents of triplets. For the rest of our lives, apart from all of you who remember her, the three will be seen as triplets. I think we'll just smile and say yes, remembering Katelyn in our own hearts.

We've already went through sets of 4, sets of 2 girl things, bought a triple stroller and are learning to carry on with our three precious babies. I think of Katelyn every single day and can't help but notice sets of 3 or sets of 4, yearning to have a set of 4. Hailey talks about her and can't wait to meet her and Macie (one of our friends whose baby died too) when we get to heaven. I feel horrible that Hailey didn't get to meet Katelyn. All she has is pictures. All we have is pictures and memories. I am so thankful that she was the active one while I was pregnant and I cherish those memories! Your prayers and encouragement have met so much to us and really been healing in our grieving process, thank you from the bottom of our hearts! Some days are easier than others, some days are a battle to fight back the tears, but God we know you're in control. We have met amazing people, been placed in situations and learning things we never would have experienced otherwise. We are thankful for those teeny tiny footprints she left and will continue to remember what this experience has taught us.

I know this post is not like our last few, but sometimes I've just gotta get it out. This blog can be so therapeutic sometimes! If any of you moms of multiple loss have any words of wisdom, feel free to share!

15 comments:

Mom/Nanny said...

My dear daughter. Everyday I think of you and ache for you, knowing that though you took three beautiful miracles home, you are not complete. Your courage and strength is a testimony to your faith and an inspiration to others who are hurting. Katelyn will forever be a part of us. She held my heart in her little hands while she was here and I will hold her in my heart always.

Britt said...

tears.... falling...down my face...

I love you Jennie, I'm so sorry God wanted her more. The word Quads has been a part of our vocab for so long now, its not easy to switch. I will always remember Katelyn!

Angie B said...

yes ,I am crying and crying...i cant imagine but i just think God is in control and giving you strength and peace...praying as always...

Mandy said...

A very close friend of ours had triplets a year ago, and she lost one after birth from a heart condition. She to struggles with people call her boys twins, when they were actually triplets. So when people ask if they are twins, she responds with a no and says that they are surviving miracle triplets!!!

Mommato2miracles said...

I have not experienced this and cannot even begin to imagine it, but my heart breaks for you. And know that I am praying!!! May God comfort you each and every day until you are united with your precious baby girl again:-)

The Denby's said...

I am so thankful you could bring these thoughts forward for all to see and learn from. Your Mom & I have talked and prayed about this, wanting a way to help others understand. We have lost 2 grandson's thru out the yrs [not from multiples] but they remain in our hearts, family now and forever as will your sweet Katelyn. God is Blessing the six of you with the knowledge, feeling of Katelyn being right there with you.

The Paulk's said...

I cannot even begin to imagine how difficult it is to lose a child and be reminded of it every single day. Your strength is inspiring. I will pray for you, Nich and all the kids that, even though you'll never forget and the hurt will never leave, that you will be at peace with what happened. I am thankful, too, for your time with Katelyn...how special that time must be now!!

Jessica said...

I had triplets and we lost one of our daughters as well. I have struggled and struggled with how to handle them being called twins. In the early days, I would often nod or not say anything because it was too hard to discuss. It has been 2 1/2 years now and when they are called twins I almost always correct people and say surviving triplets unless I am not up to explaining. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with the same heartbreaking dilemmas. You and your family are in my thoughts.

Nicole said...

And that is the reason I never say to parents of twins: I had triplets.
I am always anxious they could have lost one and be left with twins.

I have one of my triplets who is mentally handiccaped. I think the best thing is to just accept things as they are... why did she have to suffer at birth?
I don't know, but it could have been her brother, her sister or the three of them...or even much much worse!
So I just rejoice for the healthy kids I have and I love soooooo much this special child of ours!

I love this idea of miracle survivors of quadruplets...

jackieweinberg said...

Jennie, I too have tears coming down my face as I read your thoughts and comments about Katelyn.

It has been such a blessing to help with the babies. They are truly God's miracles.

I had a son die from a house fire at the age of 19 and I struggle when someone asks me how many children do you have..

My heart immediately aches for my son that I can no longer hug, touch or hold. However, I have learned to say, I have one son that lives in Alaska and one in Heaven.

You will forever remember your precious Katelyn...

Bless You and Nich

Jackie

Cali Quad Squad said...

My heart just broke. Because I know how hard that was for you to write.Jennie you had quads. You gave birth to 4 beautiful babies and maybe the rest of the world doesn't get to know that,but the people who do know get to share in the miracle of your journey. No one will feel the pain of Katelyns loss more than you and Nich. There will always be that missing piece,but what you get are the memories of her moving around. You get that love in your heart unexplainable to anyone else. You also got the gift to make the todays count,because the tomorrows are not a guarentee.some many people never ever learn that. Katelyn gave you that.I know its hard to say triplets,because that is not your truth. But what is your truth is that against ALL odds,Landon is home. And Brooklyn,hailey and Brennan almost didn't get that.its not a consulation but it is a joy that can perhaps ease the pain slightly. I love you,and you are beyond an inspiration!!!your strength is unshakeable!!! You feel all the feelings you want,answer however makes your heart hurt less...and know that Katelyn is never forgotten!

melanie:::adorkable said...

I think of this so frequently and I've been wondering how you guys were doing. You are leaning on God's strength--that is so evident. Even I have been unsure how to refer to your family and your quads--whether to explain or not--so I can't imagine how difficult this daily encounter must be for you. Every moment must be bittersweet--such an incredible blessing to have the three home with you, but constantly aware that there aren't four. Praying for you guys, Jen. Love you always

Brooke said...

*hugs*

Sadly, I know exactly how you feel. It's like a knife in my heart every single time someone says, "Oh, twins!" My babies are not twins. They have never been twins, and never will be twins. They will always be triplets, even if only two of them are here.

Like you, I often just respond "Yes" to the twin remarks because it's easier. But sometimes I tell the whole story, because Annaleigh deserves to be talked about.

Mary said...

Oh Jennie, this is so hard. I know exactly how you feel. It was hardest for me when we first started going out with our trio, and hearing people say triplets. I thought they might as well pull my heart out and toss it on the floor. I do call mine triplets on occasion but usually they are the trio, the little kids, the girls and the boy, and I do correct people and say "they are actually surviving Quadruplets our littlest daughter, Maddie, stayed with us for 9 days, but my survivord only know what it is like to be raised as triplets" I know a mouthful and it took me a while to get the courage but that is what I do now. I have moments almost daily where I wonder what Maddie would do, or I picture the outfit she would wear to match the others. Keep your chin up I am here if you need me, God has a plan for us, I feel lucky to have been chosed to be Angel Maddie's Mom. I feel the sting when I see groups of 4 or when I see groups of 3 girls the same age.

Blessings,

Mary

Amy-Jo said...

Hi Jennie. It has been so long since I've been on a computer and I'm way behind. This post is so close to my heart. Even though we have three children with us I many times answer questions with we have quadruplets. I know not a day goes by I don't think about Cody. I am here if you ever need to chat or anything. Always thinking of you all. Amy-Jo