Sunday, November 4, 2012

Wise beyond her years

Friday night while putting Brennan and Brooke to bed Hailey was having a meltdown (thankfully they get fewer and fewer) and we told her she had to go to bed now too because she couldn't control herself. I had her in time out while I put B&B to bed then was able to focus on her. She went kicking and screaming and kept screaming because she was mad but I just went downstairs and wasn't going to fight with her about it. After about 10 minutes she came to the top of the stairs and apologized and wanted to talk. So proud of her for that! We've really been working with her to express her thoughts and feelings and our conversation upstairs broke my heart.
She had calmed herself down and said she didn't mean to be mean but sometimes when she starts crying because of being mad it turns to crying because she's sad and can't stop thinking of things that make her cry. (Ever done that? Start crying then your mind wanders to more sad things -yep I could relate.) I just asked what she was feeling and thinking about and she asked more questions about death...every couple of months it seems she gains a deeper understanding that needs to be processed and dots that need to be connected. I hate that she's experienced so much already but cherish her perspective and understanding. She was said because she thought Uncle Joe was hurting before he died and wondered if he died in the hospital too (like Katelyn). I said I didn't think so, they didn't have a lot of hospitals around in Afghanistan but that God took care of him every second until he died. She also said she was worried about Landon when he keeps going to the hospital and specifically brought up the time in April 2011 when he stopped breathing and had a seizure in the car and we had to meet and ambulance at a gas station....she was sitting right next to him in the van. I was trying to stay calm for her but was scared myself and apparently she was too. She's been around for 2 other ambulance calls and at the time seemed to be ok but is now connection the dots. I told her that she being sad was because she loved Landon and she repeated that she loved him so much (and she started crying harder). I assured her that Landon's doing great right now and we would tell her if he was ever dying - awful thing to have say about your son to his sister...We decided to pray that God would take the scared, mad and sad thoughts away and she asked me to for her because it would make her keep crying. (Gave a new meaning to praying on someone's behalf. There's been times I needed someone to pray for me because I couldn't). I gave her a hug and kiss and tucked her in bed and she went right to sleep.

Saturday when we prayed for lunch, she was thankful for her family, her dad that made a balance beam and uneven bars for her American Girl doll and for her mom understanding her last night. She melted my heart right then!

Hailey always has been wiser beyond her years, especially through her grief. I so wish I could take away her grief, her fear about Landon and the experiences that make her connect to death. I am so so thankful for God's peace and her faith and trust. She's a pretty awesome girl and her life will be used for great things!


Britt said...

Amen! That girl is incredible!