Monday, September 27, 2010

Katelyn's Heaven Day

Our sweet angel. Today was a hard day, to say the least. One year ago today Katelyn went to Heaven and our hearts broke. The was the worst day of our entire lives - watching our baby fight so bravely for her life, then her body giving up. The evening of the 26th Katelyn starting getting bad and unstable. We rushed down to NICU from my hospital room in the evening, at 2am, then for the last time at almost 5am. She coded, but came back twice and we were so thankful and hopeful that she would pull through. They said making it to the third day was critical and she was 7 hours short of being alive 3 whole days! We had so much hope that her body could just keep fighting until the magical 3 day mark, then she could rest from the hard fight she had. We were devastated as the nurses unplugged her from the ventilator and monitors...she was now resting from her hard fight in our arms and we knew what that meant. The nurses escorted us to nesting room 1 as we had personal, family time with her in the last few moments, pouring out our love and cherishing the time we had. Katelyn died in our arms at about 5am September 27, 2009.

Today, my angel we celebrate your Heaven Day. It's the most comforting way to remember this terrible day. Today we celebrate your life and all that you have helped teach us. You have taught us strength, will to live, the joy of love and the pain of grief. We have found strength through God to get through each day until our family is complete in Heaven with you. When I was explaining your death to Hailey, I said you beat us Home! How I long for you in my arms, playing with your brothers and sisters, having all my kids together! Not having to explain that I don't have triplets, I have quadruplets! I know in my heart you are whole and not hurting. You have been basking in God's presence for an entire year now and find peace in that.

Last night was a really hard night and about the time Katelyn starting getting worse, I was rocking Brooklyn, then a flood of emotions and memories came. I let them come, savoring the memories of my pregnancy, watching the girls bounce together, holding her. The roughness continued throughout today and I had to leave work early because all I could think about was Katelyn and wanted to be with Nich. Tonight we planned to remember Katelyn and send up balloons like we had last year. Didn't go so smoothly - we took Brennan, Landon and Brooklyn to get their blood drawn, which took longer than expected and we had to divide and conquer the blood draw. I took Landon to get Hailey from day care while Nich and his dad finished with the other two. They got home late, we had dinner, the babies were crying most of the night, Hailey wasn't listening and by the time we had finally gotten outside it was dark and kinda rainy. Not at all celebratory weather, but we released the balloons and the peace came. God is so good! In the midst of extreme heartache, He brought healing and comfort. Since Katelyn died and Brennan, Landon and Brooklyn were so critical in the hospital, God has been so faithful (well all the time, this is just when we most felt it!), easing our hearts and minds so we can focus on Him in the midst.

So here are pictures from our healing balloon release to our special angel, celebrating her Heaven day!

Papa Dan, Hailey, Mommy, Daddy, Brennan, Landon and Brooklyn wrote messages to Katelyn on the balloons
Papa Dan, Nich's dad, carrying out the balloons

Daddy bringing out the kids

The gang in our new quad stroller. It was hard for me to get a four seater, but have peace to use it without the tears of not filling it with 4 babies. It's such a blessing and so much easier!

The inevitable - balloons stuck in the tree. Last year the balloon got stuck and it was pretty traumatic for Hailey. This year was easier, but of course they got stuck.

We are still on this journey of grief, but it is getting sweeter and not as painful. Typing this was so healing! When I started, the tears were streaming, but they've dried up and I really am able to celebrate her life! God is so good! I just keep thinking of the quote, there is no footprint too small, that it cannot leave an imprint on this world. That's you Katelyn! Even though you were to tiny and your time here was so short, you have left such an imprint on our lives and we are so thankful for the time we had you!


melanie:::adorkable said...

Oh, Jennie, I'm so glad you are being so honest of your grieving process and for sharing it with us. Every time I think of you guys I think of the pain that is also a part of the joy--I'm sure I will not forget. That little Katelyn really did leave her mark in this world. And the testimony you and Nich have of how God is sustaining you through the pain is just one way her legacy lives on and God will draw many to Him. Love you.

Melissa B. said...

I can't read that without getting teary eyed. You and your family have been through a lot and its very good of you to celebrate the day your baby beat you home. It's good to grieve and its obvious katelyn did leave an impression on many people's hearts. you are a strong woman and I know God is providing the strength you need now and years to come.

Britt said...

Reading it is faster than typing it so my tears are still good and wet rolling down my cheeks! I'm soo glad you did something to celebrate her life again! It will be good for Hailey and the babies once they get older to remember her.... You amaze me everyday, and I'm soo glad that you took the time off work, I'm sure that was needed!!! I'm soo glad Nich is such an amazing father and husband! You are blessed!

Mom/Nanny said...

My dear sweet daugter - You are an incredible young woman who touches my heart and leaves me glowing with pride. "Heaven Day" What a beautiful thought. Some day we'll all celebrate Heaven Day together. I love you so very much.

The Denby's said...

Jen, Nich and entire family...our hearts can only ache for you all. Your Faith is a complete inspiration to us but leaves us helpless in what we can do: We continue to pray.

Mary said...

Beautitful words for a beautiful Angel. Sending ((HUGS)) to you all. Cintinued thoughts and prayers sent your way.

Mommato2miracles said...

I am so sorry for your loss, but thankful that you do have God comforting you during this journey. I can't imagine what this last year has been like with your quads, and grieving the loss of Kaitlin, know that your family is prayed for often

Suzy said...

Jennie, reading this I can only imagine how you must feel, and still it breaks my heart. Praying for you and Nich.