Our sweet angel. Today was a hard day, to say the least. One year ago today Katelyn went to Heaven and our hearts broke. The was the worst day of our entire lives - watching our baby fight so bravely for her life, then her body giving up. The evening of the 26th Katelyn starting getting bad and unstable. We rushed down to NICU from my hospital room in the evening, at 2am, then for the last time at almost 5am. She coded, but came back twice and we were so thankful and hopeful that she would pull through. They said making it to the third day was critical and she was 7 hours short of being alive 3 whole days! We had so much hope that her body could just keep fighting until the magical 3 day mark, then she could rest from the hard fight she had. We were devastated as the nurses unplugged her from the ventilator and monitors...she was now resting from her hard fight in our arms and we knew what that meant. The nurses escorted us to nesting room 1 as we had personal, family time with her in the last few moments, pouring out our love and cherishing the time we had. Katelyn died in our arms at about 5am September 27, 2009.
Today, my angel we celebrate your Heaven Day. It's the most comforting way to remember this terrible day. Today we celebrate your life and all that you have helped teach us. You have taught us strength, will to live, the joy of love and the pain of grief. We have found strength through God to get through each day until our family is complete in Heaven with you. When I was explaining your death to Hailey, I said you beat us Home! How I long for you in my arms, playing with your brothers and sisters, having all my kids together! Not having to explain that I don't have triplets, I have quadruplets! I know in my heart you are whole and not hurting. You have been basking in God's presence for an entire year now and find peace in that.
Last night was a really hard night and about the time Katelyn starting getting worse, I was rocking Brooklyn, then a flood of emotions and memories came. I let them come, savoring the memories of my pregnancy, watching the girls bounce together, holding her. The roughness continued throughout today and I had to leave work early because all I could think about was Katelyn and wanted to be with Nich. Tonight we planned to remember Katelyn and send up balloons like we had last year. Didn't go so smoothly - we took Brennan, Landon and Brooklyn to get their blood drawn, which took longer than expected and we had to divide and conquer the blood draw. I took Landon to get Hailey from day care while Nich and his dad finished with the other two. They got home late, we had dinner, the babies were crying most of the night, Hailey wasn't listening and by the time we had finally gotten outside it was dark and kinda rainy. Not at all celebratory weather, but we released the balloons and the peace came. God is so good! In the midst of extreme heartache, He brought healing and comfort. Since Katelyn died and Brennan, Landon and Brooklyn were so critical in the hospital, God has been so faithful (well all the time, this is just when we most felt it!), easing our hearts and minds so we can focus on Him in the midst.
So here are pictures from our healing balloon release to our special angel, celebrating her Heaven day!
Papa Dan, Hailey, Mommy, Daddy, Brennan, Landon and Brooklyn wrote messages to Katelyn on the balloons
Daddy bringing out the kids
The gang in our new quad stroller. It was hard for me to get a four seater, but have peace to use it without the tears of not filling it with 4 babies. It's such a blessing and so much easier!
The inevitable - balloons stuck in the tree. Last year the balloon got stuck and it was pretty traumatic for Hailey. This year was easier, but of course they got stuck.
We are still on this journey of grief, but it is getting sweeter and not as painful. Typing this was so healing! When I started, the tears were streaming, but they've dried up and I really am able to celebrate her life! God is so good! I just keep thinking of the quote, there is no footprint too small, that it cannot leave an imprint on this world. That's you Katelyn! Even though you were to tiny and your time here was so short, you have left such an imprint on our lives and we are so thankful for the time we had you!