A couple weeks ago one of Brennan's nurses, Debbie, suggested we send a note on a balloon to Katelyn. Hailey constantly talks about Katelyn, wondering where she is, how she's doing and wondering what she likes. She said Katelyn will tie the balloon to her baby bed. :) We decided today was the day to send her a balloon. We went to Dollar Tree to pick out a balloon and Hailey, knowing that Katelyn's favorite color would be pink, picked out a pink heart balloon. It was perfect. We wrote a note telling her we loved her and missed her. There is not a single day that goes by that I don't think of her. Wondering what she would be like, what she would look like and praying for Brooklyn and the loss of a twin sister.
Hailey and Daddy walking the balloon in the Nichols Arboretum where we decided to let the balloon go. It's right next to the Ronald McDonald house.
Hailey cried like she has never cried before and I was crying right along with her. She cried because she thought she was going to get to see her sister. She wanted to see Katelyn and give her the balloon. We felt horrible that we didn't make it clearer for her, but told her again that she was in heaven with Jesus and we let the balloon go so it could fly up and take our note to her (this way Katelyn would know who the balloon was from). As luck would have it, the balloon got stuck in the tree, making Hailey cry even more. She was so concerned that Katelyn wouldn't get her balloon. I told her she would get it, the wind would come and help it get to her. She asked if Katelyn would get it by herself or if Jesus would help her. I said of course Jesus will help her get it. She didn't think he could because he was a baby (she hasn't quite understood that Jesus grew up since Christmas), but his mommy would help Katelyn.
Holding each other as we both cried missing Katelyn. This was the first time I saw Hailey really cry out of sadness. It broke my heart that she hurt so bad. We cried and held each other as a family and I think this was really healing for all of us. After this, a group had dropped off "babies" in baskets with pillows and blankets for the kids at the Ronald McDonald house. Hailey named one Katelyn and took such good care of her all night. It's so hard as a mom, grieving the loss of my daughter while helping my other daughter through her own feelings. She is growing up before my eyes. She's so sensitive and I need to help her understand what she's feeling and get through it. Please keep Hailey in your prayers as she understands her feelings and mourns the loss of her sister. Even though Katelyn was just 3 days old, Hailey had been loving her since she found out she was going to be a big sister. It's been so hard on all of us, and not until today did I realize the real impact on Hailey. We miss you Katelyn!
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